Potty Training Tips For Girls

By: Kelly Nault

Parenting Question

“My older daughter turns 4 in a few days and still has very little interest
in potty training. Initially, I was waiting for her to lead the way by showing
interest. Her sister was born when she was 27 months old, and I didn’t feel that
either immediately before or after the birth was a good time for either of us to
start potty training. Time dragged on, until I started finding myself getting
angry about changing her dirty diapers just after she turned 3. One day, I
decided it was time for her to start using the toilet. The first few mornings,
she threw a tantrum about wanting a diaper, but then she accepted wearing
underpants. I made up a chart and let her put stickers on it for going in the
toilet. There was some success, but as time went by, the success rate declined.
She became more and more resistant to reminders to go to the toilet.

Earlier this year, our family decided to move house, and I could see this was
causing my daughter some stress. After talking to other moms, I decided to
remove the potty pressure—so I asked my daughter whether she would like to wear
diapers or underpants. For a while, she chose to go back to diapers. After three
weeks, she asked to go back to underpants. I tried be neutral about her
decisions and to keep my input low-key and supportive. My husband and I praised
her verbally when she succeeded. But the same thing happened.

I know my daughter is very bright, strong-willed, and likes to push my buttons.
She is also very sensitive and cautious. She is genuinely afraid of sitting on
toilets without a child’s potty-seat on top, but we don’t make her do that if
she doesn’t want to. We either take her potty-seat with us to friends’ houses,
or allow her to choose to wear pull-ups when we go out. Occasionally, we have
gotten so frustrated that we have coerced her (for example, no lunch until you
sit on the potty)—despite knowing that negativity should never be part of the
potty training process.

I did some research and found that the only way of eliminating resistance is to
eliminate whatever your child is resisting against. So I've tried being
completely neutral about the whole thing and to show no negative reaction to
'accidents'. Maybe I haven’t tried long enough, but the accidents just seem to
go on and on. Eventually, I can’t start showing disapproval and getting angry
again. This week, she is back in diapers because I am so tired of dealing with
the wet and dirty clothes (to be honest, the seemingly pointless resistance bugs
me much more than the laundry). Obviously, my behavior is enabling hers and
together we are creating this cycle, but I don’t know how to change it. Help!"—Mom
Seeking Potty Training Tips for Girls

Positive Parenting Tip For Potty Training Girls

Dear Mom Seeking Potty Training Tips for Girls:

Phew! I am tired from just reading about your experience, so I can imagine how
frustrated you must be! The good news is that potty training tips for girls are
essentially no different from potty training tips for boys.

Firstly, good for you for doing some research on resistance. I do believe your
daughter is resisting—but not what you think she's resisting. She's actually
resisting growing up. You’ve brought a new baby into the home and, to an oldest
child who used to be the only child, this can be traumatic. Your daughter is
faced with the fact that she is no longer the baby. When this happens
(especially when you have two children close in age and of the same sex), the
oldest child may:

• Find a way to continue to act like the baby of the family by wearing diapers.

• Look for ways to keep you and your husband busy with her (and not her sister),
including the sticker chart and the back-and-forth resistance you are
experiencing with potty training. Negative attention is better than none at all.

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